DISCLAIMER: I am not suggesting or advocating anyone go out and do a massive dose of mushrooms. I’m just documenting my own experience. I’ll also add that I’m a pretty experienced drug user and would never try this if it was my first time doing psychedelics.
A couple weeks ago I ate 5 grams of psilocybin mushrooms. This is a gram and a half more than what’s considered the full dose, and with psychedelics even a small increase in dosage can magnify the effects exponentially.
I had been preparing mentally for this trip for over a week. Two things I knew I had to do for this trip were first to do it alone, and second to do it in the dark/at night. I’d never tripped at night before and I knew there was something about being in and embracing darkness that was important. Some people think it’s scary to do psychedelics at night and I wanted to face that.
I went downstairs and told my neighbor to give me some shrooms and a gram of weed and then I told them I was gonna eat 5 grams and walk down to the ocean and lay down and watch the water. They looked at me like I was insane and wished me luck.
I went upstairs and meditated for 30 minutes after placing my weed, shrooms, gold ring, and black tourmaline necklace on my table surrounded by candles. After I meditated I spoke my intentions for the trip aloud then I wrote them down in my journal. I blew out the candles, put on my ring, put on my necklace, put my stuff in my backpack, and ate the mushrooms.
So about 30 minutes later as I’m 5 minutes from the beach I walk by a restaurant and who do I see in the window but my old coworkers and my old boss from the gym I used to work at all sitting down for a formal dinner. They see me and a couple of them run outside to talk to me and ask me to come inside. I explain there’s no way I’m coming inside as I just took a massive dose of mushrooms and I’m about to be tripping out of my mind but they insisted and I figured I’d go in and say hi real quick before the shrooms started hitting me. So I go in and say hi to everyone and my boss tells me the reason for the dinner party is that the gym was shut down earlier that day and everyone is now either out of a job or transferred to a different branch. Awkwaaaarrrd. I politely excuse myself as I feel my anxiety going up a little and as I’m walking out of the restaurant I feel the shrooms start to hit.
The patterns on the floor started swirling, the lights turned purple, and I stumbled my ass out of there thinking this trip was already weird for me to be randomly walking down the street and running into all my old coworkers like that.
As I was walking toward the beach it felt like I was walking between two different realms of reality. I’d be walking and the entire scenery around me would take on a weird purple hue and seem a bit “fuzzy” until I concentrated and squinted my eyes and it would return to normal. Think “upside down” from Stranger Things. As I got closer to the water the lights from the surrounding buildings and the sunset made everything take on a purple hue and visually everything at this point was really looking amazing.
I finally got to the spot I wanted to set up at and put down my blanket and laid down facing the water. The water and the sky looked beautiful and at this point the sun was completely set. The darkness wasn’t scary at all I felt great. I felt ‘loved’ as weird as that sounds. Like I was totally safe and protected. As I lay there feeling warm and positive I could feel the visuals getting more intense.
Sitting on the grass underneath the tree on my blanket I might as well have been strapping into a space ship with how crazy my hallucinations got at this point. I’m talking Inception/Dr Strange levels of physical reality being inverted and folding on itself. Patterns on the ground moving. Space time distortion. One point I looked up and the lights in the sky were moving in patterns. Fucking insane. I was watching the water and the sky and it was like I was looking at two different worlds like there was a whole other realm of existence in the sky. Like I was looking “through” the sky and past some veil that I never noticed before.
The stars and lights from the airplanes and the sky started moving. I was tripping too hard to distinguish between the two. At one point they formed into the head of a Lioness. I felt like the Lioness was confronting the darkness around it.
Another strange thing is I felt a “serpentine” energy in the sky I was thinking about the universe and creation, anti-matter/dark matter, the Void and how nothing could possibly give birth to something. I thought about the microcosm and the macrocosm of reality itself, from the human body to the galaxies in the Universe. I don’t want to get too much into these thoughts because I’ll enter a dark hole of metaphysics and spiritual mumbo jumbo that will never end.
I will say though that as I was looking into the sky and felt like I was looking into another world I wanted to “go” there and it felt like something was holding me back. I tried to concentrate and enter that place but something stopped me and I had to stay in this realm of reality. Hard to explain but it was extremely tantalizing to be teased like that. It was at this precise moment of feeling teased that I pondered what it was like to be a woman and want to be filled and penetrated. Sounds weird but I really was like “oh shit” like the concept of feeling so tantalized and tormented from wanting to feel something made me think about what a woman experiences during sex in a way that I never contemplated before. It was actually pretty beautiful.
Another thing is I felt psychic I could feel and interpret everyone’s energy around me & at the same time I could barely understand language at all. Everyone’s energy around me felt amplified. I was on the grass under a tree and there was people walking their dogs or just hanging out and I could feel everyone’s energy invading my space. When people got close to me or I focused on them it was like their presence itself was encroaching on my consciousness, like a mental or energetic version of someone brushing against you accidentally on the sidewalk.
Also I feel like I experienced a devolution of language and the mere concept of language. Psilocybin does affect the language centers in the brain and I feel like as much as language is one of the most powerful tools and abilities that we as humans possess, it also is limiting in some way. Every time I spoke aloud I was surprised I could still form and speak words. My thoughts were racing rapidly in my mind but the act of physically enunciating any words felt daunting. Every 20 minutes I would utter some words to myself just to remind myself I still had the ability to speak and every time I was genuinely surprised that I could.
At certain points of my trip getting too intense I was honestly overwhelmed and humbled. The visual hallucinations were so powerful at the peak of my trip that I could barely see anything immediately in my vicinity. Everything was morphing, shifting, moving, distorting, and every light I saw was extremely intense. My anxiety got intense as fuck at a certain point and I had to grasp my necklace and really concentrate in order to maintain a grip on myself. I got up and tried to walk at a certain point and couldn’t cuz I was so disoriented and in my own mind.
I realized at this point that I was arrogant as fuck to think that after not having touched psychedelics in half a decade that I could casually eat 5 grams and walk down the street and be in full control.
Another strange phenomenon I experienced during this trip is when I was focusing to keep from losing my shit I also felt like I was personally responsible for holding the fabric of the Universe together and that if I didn’t hold myself together that reality itself would be destroyed.
To top that off there was sirens going on all around me and police helicopters were buzzing through the sky due to a high speed chase that was running through the neighborhood. I decided after getting a grip on myself to take myself home and as I made the trek home it felt like chaos was erupting all around me. The sirens and police activity had people on edge and I felt like I could “feel” the chaos and discord and emotions of everyone around me. I watched a car get pulled over and two women jumped out of the car with their hands up. The police helicopter following the chase was shining the spotlight somewhere down the street and people were pointing and watching. I felt like everyone was on edge. Thought I saw a car accident too at some point but who knows. All I know is at this point of my trip I thought I was a homing beacon for all things chaos and just wanted to get home.
The Universe being the joker that it is then had one last thing for me to face when I was a block away from my apartment. I walk by this place it looked like a party was going on then I notice people outside and some of them were in a panic. I look inside and there’s a man on the floor and a small circle of people around him, there’s a woman saying “Someone start doing compressions or something” another person is saying to call 911, and I’m pretty sure that man was dying…. At this point I noped the fuck out and walked as fast as I could to get home before a fucking asteroid or something hit and I saw an ambulance pull up to the spot when I got on the next block.
I went inside my apartment, called my neighbor and told him I made it home, and smoked a shitload of weed to try and process everything I just experienced and unwind. They were amazed that I made it back in one piece on such a high dose and with all the sirens and helicopters going around the city from the high speed chase. I was amazed as well.
I think it was a pretty good trip and I would like to meditate further on it. If I could change anything about it I would have chosen a more secluded spot so I could meditate and go deep truly undisturbed or I would have simply ate the shrooms and stayed in my room so I could “explore” freely from an astral projection perspective. That being said I definitely feel like the trip helped me purge and unblock some things I had going on inside me.
Next year I might trip again on a similar dose alone in my bedroom.